www.calgaryeyeopener.com The Calgary Eye Opener Sunday, September 05, 2010
Eye Openers
The Eye Opener's new survey of travel vacations from Western Canada directly to Cuba --- Prices and Details
Waskesiu --- fat cats and bureaucrats turn a peoples' park into a gated community for bears, mosquitoes and rich folk

by the Old Contrarian from Pincher Creek Friday, September 03, 2010 ---
Was Prime Minister John Diefenbaker a ku kluxer?

by the Eye Opener's U.S. affairs correspondent, John Ware Monday, August 30, 2010 ---
Kop-Speak for Dummies

by Paddy Nolan, Q.C., The Eye Opener's Legal Specialist Friday, August 20, 2010 ---
Kanada doesn't need a census because ...

by Chief Chapo-Mexico, The Eye Opener's Aboriginal Correspondent Monday, August 16, 2010 ---
British Petroleum -- why Americans love to hate Englishmen

by the Eye Opener's expert on Financial Manipulation, Lord Strathcona Monday, August 16, 2010 ---
Bill Gates and Henry Ford duke it out at the Alberta Long Bar then constipate

The Eye Opener's special correspondent at the Long Bar at the Alberta Hotel Thursday, August 12, 2010 ---
Feelin' the pain --- $3,000,000 for Clinton wedding

by Paddy Nolan, Q.C., The Eye Opener's Legal Specialist Sunday, August 08, 2010 ---
Big Brother crowns how-high-yes-man King of Kanada

by the Old Contrarian from Pincher Creek Thursday, July 29, 2010 ---
"A total iron ass"
David Emerson

by Paddy Nolan, Q.C., The Eye Opener's Legal Specialist
18-Jan-10 - Paddy Nolan claims bossy bullies and authoritarians, like Stephen Harper, when they were still in diapers, got too much potty training --- and, so, they're driven, and always will be, to prove their manhoods.  
PRIME MINISTER STEPHEN HARPER IS THE FINEST LEADER WE COULD HOPE FOR --- ALL HE NEEDS NOW IS A MAJORITY GOVERNMENT SO THESE DAMN NOBODIES IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS AREN'T SABOTAGING HIM --- THEY'RE NOTHING BUT TRAITORS
DE CULO DE TORO!!!!  IF THE CANADIAN PEOPLE GIVE HIM A MAJORITY GOVERNMENT --- SAY GOOD-BYE TO DEMOCRACY --- HITLER HIMSELF WILL ROLL OVER IN HIS GRAVE --- WITH ENVY --- FOR THE SPEED HARPER TAKES TO PUT IN A DICTATORSHIP.
 WELL AT LEAST HE'S AUTHORITARIAN ENOUGH TO GET THINGS DONE
 HIS WAY --- NOT THE RIGHT WAY. LOOK WHAT HE'S DONE TO TORY SUPPORT. HE WAS DAMNED SURE THAT CANADIANS DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT CANADIAN CULTURE SO, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE 2008 ELECTION, HE CUT HIS ARTS BUDGET BY $45 MILLION --- THAT'S TRUE OF ENGLISH CANADIANS --- BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN FORCE FED A DIET OF SUBSIDIZED DE CULO DE TORO BY THE TORONTO CANCON COMMUNITY --- HARPER DIDN'T WORRY ABOUT QUEBEC --- HIS QUEBEC CABINET MINISTERS WARNED HIM THAT QUEBECERS LOVE THEIR CULTURE AND HE WAVED THEIR ADVICE ASIDE IN FACT HE MARKED THEM DOWN IN HIS LITTLE BLACK BOOK AND, OUT OF THE SIDE OF HIS MOUTH, HE SNARLED: "COM'ON YOU GUYS --- SMARTEN UP --- IT'S A NICHE TOPIC ... ORDINARY CANADIANS DON'T CARE".
 AND THEN HE LOST NUMEROUS SEATS IN QUEBEC BECAUSE OF THAT --- WHY THE HELL WOULD HE DO THAT
 SIMPLY BECAUSE HE IS AN AUTHORITARIAN -- PEOPLE THINK THAT AUTHORITARIANS ARE RULED BY REASON --- DEAD WRONG --- THEY'RE RULED BY EMOTION --- LOOK AT HOW HE SHUT DOWN (PROROGUED) PARLIAMENT LAST MONTH ---- WHEN JIM PRENTICE WARNED HIM THAT THE CANADIAN PEOPLE WOULDN'T STAND FOR THEIR DEMOCRATIC RIGHTS BEING TRAMPLED --- HIS RESPONSE (AFTER MARKING PRENTICE DOWN IN HIS LITTLE BLACK BOOK): "THE CANADIAN PEOPLE'RE ALL SHEEP --- THEY WON'T GIVE A DAMN"

 
HE REMINDS ME OF THAT OLD ENGLISH PUTTY-HEAD GENERAL MIDDLETON WHO MARCHED ALL HIS TROOPS IN RED JACKETS UP TO A RAVINE AT FISH CREEK --- HE WAS SURE THAT WOULD SCARE THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF US METIS HIDDEN IN RIFLE PITS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RAVINE -- A YOUNG CANADIAN SERGEANT WARNED MIDDLETON --- MIDDLETON COURT-MARTIALED HIM FOR BEING CHEEKY -- I READ IN A BOOK CALLED "ON THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MILITIARY INCOMPETENCE" --- THAT IT WASN'T SO MUCH THAT MIDDLETON WAS STUPID BUT THAT HIS NANNY OVER-DID IT ON HIS POTTY TRAINING --- AFTER THAT HE ALWAYS SUSPECTED HE WASN'T A MAN --- AT THE BATTLE OF FISH CREEK --- HE COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF HE WAS PROVING HIS MANHOOD --- HELL OR HIGH WATER WOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED HIM --- MES AMIS --- DID WE HAVE A TURKEY SHOOT

 

SAME THING WITH STEPHEN HARPER --- I'M SURE HE WAS OVER POTTY TRAINED --- SO IF HIS QUEBEC ADVISERS OR JIM PRENTICE ARGUE WITH HIM --- HE THINKS THEY'RE ATTACKING HIS MANHOOD --- TO STOP OTHER ATTACKS -- FOR EXAMPLE --- HE WON'T LET CABINET MINISTERS HAVE THEIR OWN EMAIL ADDRESSES - HE'S AN ANAL RETENTIVE PERSONALITY METASTASIZED INTO AN AUTHORITARIAN PERSONALITY --- HE'S TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL --- HE'S MADE TWO SUICIDAL DECISIONS FOR THE TORY PARTY --- THINK OF WHAT HE'D DO TO CANADA IF HE HAD A MAJORITY GOVERNMENT --- IN OTHER WORDS --- IF HE BECOMES A DICTATOR.

 WHAT'LL 'E DO NEXT?
 MICHAELLE JEAN IS THE MOST POPULAR GOVERNOR GENERAL IN CANADIAN HISTORY --- BUT SHE WAS A LIBERAL, SHE HESITATED WHEN HARPER TOLD HER TO SHUT DOWN THE GOVERNMENT IN 2008 --- SHE'S A WOMAN --- AUTHORITARIANS ARE HOSTILE TO WOMEN BECAUSE WOMEN SUGGEST EFFIMANCY --- ANY HONEST, BRAVE ADVISERS STILL STANDING --- THIS SEPTEMBER, WHEN HARPER HAS TO APPROVE HER FOR A FURTHER TERM OF OFFICE --- WILL TELL HIM TO, FOR GOD'S SAKE EXTEND HER TERM --- THEY'LL GET THEIR BLACK MARKS --- "SHE'S ONLY A WOMAN --- SHE'S A LIBERAL FOR GOD'S SAKES --- GIVE YOUR HEAD A SHAKE," HE'LL HISS

 

I'VE RUN INTO THESE BIRDS BEFORE --- NEVER, NEVER, NEVER --- GIVE THIS GUY A MAJORITY GOVERNMENT --- HE'LL DESTROY THE COUNTRY --- PROVING HE'S A MAN

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Bob Edwards,
Editor
Other-Stories-Module
Other stories ("$" means pay to view)
Cottage tents lure urbanites to Jasper - Program aims to get families back in the great outdoors ..... Jeremy Derksen
Waskesiu Memories --- scores of holidayers and workers describe their days at Waskesiu ..... Dorell Taylor (nee Ridley) Editor
For the United Arab Emirates, BlackBerry brings vice and diminishes virtue ..... Globe and Mail
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The enemies list is longer than the census - Brian Gable

Harper's fantasyland and Russian jets - Susan Riley

PM focuses on need for majority - Mark Kennedy

© 2004 Thomas O. ("Tim") Davis All rights reserved